Bitterness
by merakily
Summary: Tobias can't help but feel a little bitter when he receives a wedding invitation.


**Tobias/Four's Point of View**

I absently fingered the little slip of paper. It was an invitation to Zeke and Shauna's wedding.

As happy as I was for them, my thoughts and emotions were jaded by a green tinge of envy and bitterness. Five years hasn't done much to diminish the love I still feel for Tris. Everyday, she still plagued my thoughts, my actions. I recently passed the Beatrice Act to officially outlaw the faction system, choosing ceremony and ensure the factionless were equals in society. I helped Caleb set up the Prior Institution as a school and research centre. It doubled as a training centre for those who wanted to stay vigilant and fit.

It was also a haven for me; a place where I could relive my younger days as a dauntless fighter and remember the good training sessions I shared with Tris.

That's not to say I'm stuck in the past, though. Most days were happy…normal. New buildings were erected everyday in honour of someone who had died. Not just leaders like Tris and Uriah, but regular people with the misfortune to be caught in the crossfire.

But some days, something would trigger the well inside of me and I'd be overwhelmed with all the negative emotions I worked so hard to suppress.

Usually it was small things; someone saying something Tris would have said or seeing young couples walking on the streets. Or an invitation your best friend's wedding.

Small miracles did happen, I suppose. At least Zeke hadn't asked me to be his best man.

But as I stared the a elegant script lined the paper, I couldn't help my bitterness.

Tris and I should've had our pictures on a cover. We should've been the ones eagerly waiting for our newly wedded bliss. We should've been able to spend our lives forever. We should be working side by side, discussing new ways to save the world. She should've had the chance the wear a white dress. I should've have the chance to be nervous about if I was good enough for her. We should've grown old surrounded by our children and grandchildren.

But my bitterness couldn't overcome the guilt that came with it. I should be happy for my best friend. He lost just much as I had and this was his chance to be happy. Who was I to be taking that away from him?

Shauna would be a beautiful bride and she'd be able to walk down the aisle without her wheelchair. Zeke would be getting married without his brother but he still had room in him to be happy.

A couple days ago Christina had showed up all giggly about their wedding. If she could be happy for them, so should I.

It'd taken Christina months after Tris' death to return me to my senses. I spent the most time with her but contrary to popular belief, we didn't have a romantic relationship. We never would. Both of us had dealt with too much pain to turn out well together.

I've moved on with my life now and someday, my heart will follow suit.

Someday, I'll be able to think about Tris and remember all the love we shared without any bitterness.

I'll be able to think of her beautiful smile and simple beauty without conjuring up fabricated images of her bloody, mangled body. I'll be able to come to peace with the fact I hadn't been with her at the end. That I hadn't been able to take away her pain.

Oh Tris, did David laugh as he shot you, knowing he was ending the vibrant life of a young girl? You were a fighter and he crushed your spirit.

Did you feel the pain of the bullet piercing your skin, did you watch as your life slowly seeped out of you?

Eventually, I'll be able to join Zeke and Christina and the others when they laugh about our old, fond memories in Dauntless.

Someday, we'll just be Four and Six again.

Every breath I take is another step farther away from pain and I will embrace the day when Tris' name no longer carries a bitter taste in my mind, in my heart.

But Beatrice Prior, I will always love you.

And so, with a small smile, I pick up the phone and get ready to call Zeke to tell him that yes, I will be at his wedding.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Ehhhh...not the greatest.**

**I haven't really written anything in months so I'm hoping this is half-decent.**

**It's short, but I've taken a liking to drabbles and one-shots lately.**

**First Divergent post though!**

**Did I make anyone cry?**


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